Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
