you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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