My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
