im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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