what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
