Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
