apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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