My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
