I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I did not marry a roomba.
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