My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
