So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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