At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
