Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i've created a new STD.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
