did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
