Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
