I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
