I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
