Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
