At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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