do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
