i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
