I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
