god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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