I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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