HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I puked a lego.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
