But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
