yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
