i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
