Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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