Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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