I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
