I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
