Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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