I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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