69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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