apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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