Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
