i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
