Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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