If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't deserve a penis
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize