I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
