Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
