This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
