I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
