I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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