After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
