While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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