I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize