my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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