last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize