Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
