they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
