Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How's work?
Spinning.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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