I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
