The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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