I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
