This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she peed on how many people?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
