Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
