It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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