Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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