I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
