Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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