How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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