But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
