Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
