respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
