watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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