Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
