I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
