Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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