And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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