i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
