Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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