i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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