Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
