Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
