hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
